The Shattered Spectrum: The Next Generation

A Quest for Peace

Peace. A strange word to hear after all this time. After all this violence. We were to make peace with the Green. Armok told me that if we were to stand any chance against the coming Darkness, that we would have to. He told me of how he had fought the shadow before united with the other peoples of the world, and still it was not enough. He made it all too clear that if we went against the Dark Lord as we are now, we would be slaughtered. He told me that there was going to be an envoy sent to the Green to make talk of peace, cooperation, and preparation against the coming storm. The first Dwarves of the mountain to be sent into the Deep wood in millennia. It would be a perilous journey through the wild mountains, and dangerous wood. He told me I would be the one to lead this expedition. The mix of feelings I felt was strange indeed. I had been fighting the Green all my life. They were my enemies, yet all my life I had also known that this was not the way it was supposed to be. It took me a minute to collect my thoughts, but I found my resolve. I was ready to set aside old differences, and old hatreds, if it meant walking the path to our true destiny. I would go on this quest, if it meant that I may stand for the first time in my life as a true Dwarven Warrior, unshakable and strong, with pride and honor in my heart. I would go on any quest, if it meant a chance to save my people. But that doesn’t change just how daunting this was. Preperations were to be made…but first I needed a drink. In the old drinkhouse I sat with Karnor. He would not hear any talk of my dissuading him from coming along on this mission. He is stubborn, but loyal to the core, and while I worried for him as my brother, in my heart I was glad that he was coming, for there is none I’d trust more to watch my back. In the Tavern was a tough looking, one-eyed woman named Tuli. She overheard the talk with my brother, and also offered her services in the quest. Something about her was…familiar. I found myself quickly accepting her offer. Later I realized that we needed weapons. I consulted with the Boomkin, though it took a while (Negotiating with them is difficult as they all seem to be quite hard of hearing) and they told me they would send one of their own along for the quest. After this, I explored upon rumors I had been hearing of late of the deep forges being lit anew. There was talk that the great magma elementals had returned. I knew from my books of one who would know the truth of this. In ancient times, there was a clan of master forge smith’s called the Dor-Ta’alomar. They were said to have crafted the best weapons and armor in not just the mountains, but perhaps the world, but they were long forgotten. The only one who could ever be found in the ruins of their ancient tribal grounds was old Doreen Greybeard. Doreen was a hermit who spent much time alone, and nobody bothered him too much, for he was a strange one. I found him there in his hovel, but before he would hear any word of my request he led me through an old secret pass, to the ancient forges. The rumors were true. The ancient bellows were lit again! In his hands, Doreen held a mighty forge hammer! “The fires are lit anew!” He said. “How can this be?” and so I told him of all I knew of those who came and awoke the elementals, based off what Armok had told me. I told him of the quest, and the perilous journey to the green I was to make. “Return to me in 3 days” said he, and so I did. I found he had forged weapons and armor the likes of which I had never seen. He alone had remembered the old ways of the forge. He had things not just for me, or the companions I had told him about, but others as well…and for himself. “In days of old, the Green and the Orange fought together. Men, Elves, and Dwarves walked together through the halls of the mountain and the great wood. I have a gift I will present to the Lords of the Green.” Said he, and he showed a beautiful intricate case, the contents of which he would not reveal. “I will join you, and feel the sun on this old body, and and smell the trees, as did my ancestors of old.” Over the next few days, more supplies and Dwarves were gathered. A company of 7 would depart the mountain. Our glorious quest, would soon begin…

The day it all changed...

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“One month ago. That’s when it all truly changed. The bells of the church of Thorek rang across the old mountain halls. They were calling the assembly. An old tradition that in ages past, was mandatory to attend. Now it was not, and most who came merely did so out of curiosity, myself included. Still, curiosity is strong amongst our kind. I found the church to be quite crowded, and had to stand near the back. The Thorekian guards were holding back angry Dwarves from going at those standing at the front of the church, and it didn’t take long to see why. They were a strange lot indeed, the first of them to catch my eye a Massive Half-Orc. I had heard of the Orcs and their ilk in the books, and I’d even read that in ages long past, they were enemies of my people, though I’m not convinced that last bit is true. Looking at the towering figure standing before us, I certainly know I wouldn’t want one like him for an enemy. He was clad in Armor thick and heavy, like an Iron Hulk, and he held a Great Sword whose handle I’m not sure I could reach if I was standing on Karnor’s shoulders! There was also one of our kind among them, though definitely not from around here. He wore garb colored like the woods, and his beard, while braided at least, was maintained horribly. I do believe I saw twigs sticking out of it? He was young, but carried himself with more pride than I’ve seen from even the heads of the clans. A very odd one indeed. Also among them were 4 humans, the first, a small girl with a mostly shaved head, a mischievous if doubtful look in her eye, and a purple cloth curiously covering her face. Even more interesting were the daggers at her waist, whose design looked remarkably close to that which the assassins of the Black Hand carried. I looked to my right and noticed that many of the Black Hand were here, and paying very close attention to these people. The 2nd human was a man, with a weary look about his face, yet a cold determination in his eyes, peering out at us from under his hat. He wore dark colored, loose fitting clothes, long, dusted, and worn-out from much travel. He appeared unarmed, but if I know his type, I’m sure he has some surprises under that coat of his. The 3rd human, stood peaceful and serene. He had long hair, braided in a similar fashion to Karnor’s, and wore flowing robes that looked rather comfortable, but you could see his arms, and though he had not the bulk of the Half-Orc, you could see his muscles were raw, condensed power, and yet his face and demeanor made him look as if he would not hurt a fly. He was studying the church and the people around him, with the look of one eager to learn. The last of the humans I cannot say for sure even is human. She wore a hood, and looked human at least but she had more of a grace about her. I will say this however, she just looked…alive. Her eyes had the look of one who held a terrible, painful, secret, but her posture, her skin, she just… radiated a glowing sense of comfort. Now, what really had the attention and ire of the people were 2 among them who were actually Elves! Elves! In the mountain! In the church of Thorek! One of them wore a brown cloak, over plain clothes, but I could see his face. He looked at us with contempt, and did not seem happy to be here. His graceful features and fair skin, gave him away to me and anyone around here who’s been fighting them as long as I have. This Elf was undoubtedly from the green. The last among them was an elf as well, though she did not look as hateful as the other one, and she did not have that look as has one from the forest. She stood proudly in the center of their group, yet, seemed very concerned about something. When it came time to listen, it was the Dwarf among them who spoke. He called himself Tavok Bronzebeard, and said he was here to free our people…He spoke dramatically like a young idealist who had all the belief and the world, that he could accomplish anything. Already, some of the Dwarves were beginning to leave. He spoke, of how our war with the green is what was tearing us apart and how it was time to make peace. Now more Dwarves were leaving, and though the boy spoke of ridiculous things, he had my attention, and the attention of the Black Hand interestingly enough. He then pointed to them, called them out and declared them the enemies of the Dwarves. This inspired commotion from many. Here was this Dwarf, clearly an outsider, standing among elves, our hated enemy, telling the Dwarves that we had to turn against those, who despite my own personal feelings towards them, were helping to keep the people fed and safe. The Black Hand turned their back on this accusation, not bothering to defend their stance against this foolish youngling. I saw Dargoth with them…They left the assembly as did many Dwarves with them…
I found myself among the few who remained to hear the mad ramblings of this Tavok, with his strange company. Even the Thorekians who had called this assembly carried doubt on their faces. Looking saddened at so few remaining, the young Dwarf addressed us, one last time in a pleading, challenging tone. He asked us “Are you not Dwarves? Will you now then sit and let the Black Hand destroy you from the inside, while you fail in this foolish war with the Green outside? I came here expecting to find warriors! Where is your pride?! Where is your strength?! Where is your honor?!” At this point I had to leave, if only to fight the urge to get caught up speaking out against this outsider who dared to judge us, and presume our ways, and challenge our honor. I was enraged at this foolish young oaf, for he knew nothing of our plight, or of the magnitude of what his ramblings suggested, yet deep in my heart, what enraged me the most, is that part of me, the part who used to read about the Dwarves of ages past as a youngling myself…that part of me knew Tavok was right…We had lost our way…”
That night I dreamed a strange dream. I stood in a hill in a field of grass, under the sun, with the air touching my face where it could get past my mighty beard. Just below me on the hill stood faithful Baruuk, clad in beautiful yet sturdy armor, forged by the hands of a master. I then noticed such armor upon myself as well. Not the ragtag I was used to, but real, masterwork armor, forged of adamantine, and adorned in the Runes of our ancestors. To my right stood my brother, Karnor, in similar armor, with a mighty axe in his hands. To my left stood one who I did not recognize, an elder Dwarf, with armor finer than all the others, holding a hammer blazing with Divine Fire. Behind us stood 4 more Dwarves, 2 among them men, and 2 women. The first woman I didn’t recognize at all. The second was a ruffian I believe I’ve seen in the Drinkhouses before, beating to a pulp any man who took up fists against her in a vain effort to mend their wounded pride over having failed to outdrink a one-eyed woman. The Dwarf man, was clearly of the Boomkin, with a two iron spheres in his hand, fuses on each, a huge grin on his face, and a truly mad look in his eye. The iron spheres had crimson skulls painted on them… The last man, was another who I did not recognize, but he had a very unique look about him. He also, looked like one not from our people, again with a dirty beard, but older than…than who? Anyways, he was seasoned this one, and he was one with the earth. His boots had no soles, as his feet touched the hillside. He smelled something in his hand, and let that hand drop to his side. It was letting a handful of dirt fall through its fingers. In his other hand was a Hammer made completely of stone instead of metal, shaped like the head of a Ram, resting upon his shoulder. Small stones on the ground began to float up around him. I looked forward and at the base of the hill on the field stood an entire legion of Dwarves. All armored well, and standing as one. Beards fell out below the fierce metal faces of finely wrought helms. To our flanks stood other armies, Men, Elves, and Orcs alike standing with us, united, against…against what? I looked forward and saw only Darkness. I know no other word to describe it but that. I felt fear, but I found within myself, Pride…and Courage. I know not why I did it or how I knew to do it, but I raised my Axe, slammed it’s head against my Shield three times, pointed towards the Darkness and let out a primal bellow. I found that Dwarves beside me and the legions below loudly imitated the gesture, and began to march. I climbed aboard Baruuk and led the legions, bearing a Shining White Banner, with a Hammer of Gold emblazoned on it’s center. “BARUK KHAZAD” I cried! “KHAZAD AI MENNU!” An old war cry in the tongue of our ancestors. At that sound, our great march turned into a mighty charge! Just before collision with the Great Darkness, I awoke from my bed in a cold sweat. I rose to check on my family. Karnor was well asleep, sprawled out with an empty tankard at his side, clearly lost in dreams of his own. My parents were asleep as well. Dargoth was just sitting there awake, staring out of his window into the darkness of the caves. “Are you well Brother?” I asked. “Hmm? Yes Dargor, why do you ask?” “I just had a bad feeling” “All is well brother. I assure you. Now go back to sleep.” I should’ve asked more, but my mind was still in a weird state from the dream. That was the last time I saw Dargoth. The days that followed were spent much in contemplation. Dargoth had gone to do business with the Black Hand. Karnor was training as he often would, but he looked troubled as well. Had he also experienced the dream? It was so vivid. The relative quiet of the next few days was shattered by the sudden appearance of…him. I couldn’t believe it. The strange party from a couple of days before had emerged from an expedition into the mountain they had apparently gone on, but they returned now with one more among them. Armok. The legendary Warchief of old. It was unbelievable. It made no sense. It couldn’t have been him. I had read books in my childhood about this man. But the way he carried himself. The way he wore that ornate armor. The way he spoke with a booming voice, not heard from Dwarves since ages long past. The way he took…no, SIEZED the attention of every Dwarf in the mountain, it could not have been anyone else. Up until now, we had no unified political structure. The clans were just working together in a sense, to try to survive. In a deep throated voice, Armok spoke to the very mountains themselves. Elemental giants of Stone came to his call…To show the Dwarves their new Warchief. None could deny his authority. He dared anyone to try. No-one did. He told us of the Dark Lord in the West, and of the apocalypse that being brought to bear against not just to our people but against the world. He told us that this strange party that had come before were right, and that we would have to put our war with the elves aside until this greater threat could be dealt with. He told us that he will shape us into true warriors. My heart stirred at the thought, as did the heart of many a Dwarf. After a few days of great change within our mountain, he told us all that we needed to cleanse ourselves of that which was going to lead us to ruin. I knew what he was going to say before he said it. We needed to cut off the Black Hand. He told us to spare what lives we could, and not to kill woman and children, but this struggle was going to be bloody. I went home, but Dargoth was already gone…The following days were violent. I joined the hunt against the Black Hand. I worried for Dargoth but Armok was right, and this was a chance for our people to rebuild towards our true destiny. It was more than a dream come true. It was hope. I could not let the Black Hand hold that back. I heard the bad news after all the turmoil. Under Armoks leadership, our people were brutally efficient. Many on both sides were killed, but those of the Black Hand were fleeing the mountain. We learned of heinous acts they had commited. They were servants of the Dark Lord in the west. They were infiltrating the other clans, and influencing everything. They killed every living member of the church of Thorek, and they killed old Orn’s son, who not even yet had the privilege of earning his name. I do not regret doing what I had to, but it does not make it any easier. The Black Hand had fled the mountain, and Dargoth with them. As for me, I was summoned by Armok himself. He told me of Tavok. I heard rumors that he could mind control elves, and that he was a great hero with other mysterious powers, but dismissed them as ridiculous. I learned this day of his actual quest, representing the Dwarves in a mission sent by the White (!) to unite the peoples of the world against the Lord of the Dark. Then Armok told me of a mission I was to embark on…

Strength of Life
An Oracle's Lament

I am not strong enough yet. And our companions have paid the price. Ashfords son, Charisma, and Walin are dead and other is nothing I can do about it, not yet. But in this last day I have felt my connection to life grow stronger. Maybe soon death will be a foe I can conquer. Maybe soon my companions will not be at the whims of fate.
Ashford I feel for you. I know what it is like to lose someone close to you. I know the feeling of it being your fault that they die. This is a burden that I will bear with you. I cannot lighten your load, sorry, but I can provide succor when it seems too much.
Charisma I cannot bring you back. The power I am granted is not there yet. I have only been travelling with you for a short time. Is two months enough to really know some one? In this case I believe so. I saw you at your weakest and I saw your struggles to overcome. You will be missed.
Walin, we barely knew you but you became a staunch supporter and a companion of this fellowship. The Blue will be weaker without you and your tireless devotion to duty. I can only hope that the one to replace you is as selfless and tireless.
The wheel turns. What is born, dies. And what dies is reborn. Death is only a pause. I wish those who fell this night a peaceful rest and a better life next time around. All of you have earned it. Peace in the heavens and on earth. And life to all.

Fallen Heroes
Requiem for a Friend

We stand here, on the edge of infinity. One who marked our lives has fallen. Another who came to trust us has entered infinity. Charisma, friend and companion, we honor you. Walin, rest now, your journey is at an end. The wheel turns and from death new life comes. Light to Dark and return to Light. The dark is only an interval. This I believe. And therefore it is my truth.

Proper Planning
A rote of Pride

Once again it seems we stumble. My companions went and talked with the Speaker of the Assembly today. They “gifted” him with our dealing with the Gillmen. It seems we have acted harshly. And others suffered the consequences of our lack of preparation. Three men dead, or enslaved. Their families losing their prime breadwinner. It hurts. And reminds me that pride will kill us all. We are small fish swimming in a big sea. And we can’t hold the water back alone.

These moments of silence
The Wind of Understanding

As I sit to meditate and make my tea I reflect on the journey behind. My first steps into becoming a monk of the four winds. I began with the passive wind thinking that this would be my only path. But then I took a life, anger set in. And I found myself going through and surrounded by the aggressive wind. I took many lives and even had to return a gift to sage because I felt unworthy. And frankly I have been that way for a while. But then I no longer feared myself or my ki. During our trip to the land of the Blue I found myself being able to see things within myself I never knew existed. Emotions I had never expected to have. It became a time to leave the strong winds of aggression. And seek out to transition to the wind of understanding. To understand, one must observe. Quieting the mind, putting thoughts into perspective. Seeking the smallest needs of those around. But the wind, the path of understanding is something that requires a still mind and a calming ki. I am sure my friends think I have lost it by constantly making tea and drinking tea. But it is when my mind, body and ki are at peace and can absorb all things around. It is how I make the tea and drink the tea that brings it to unity. The tea leaves reminds the senses of the stillness of the spirit of the trees. The water represents the flow of ki that is our essence. Then I use all of these things to gently heat the water and leaves just to my liking. This control of ki is what allows me see the things around and within me. Including the flow of ki. Charisma’s light especially shines, but is trapped like water held by a dam. I must say during our encounter I did manage to see that ki began to crack through. Ashford’s anger was quieted by empathy. As Tavoks pride by humility. Wisdom is really causing Tavok to shape into the humble and great King I know he will become. And Ashford’s anger is silenced not by vengeance but by empathy and love. Braith didn’t try to steal. She was instead heroic and selfless. I feel I stand to learn a lot from the 2 guys who’s primary position is to observe. Hawgr the fearless and Summaris the ever adaptive.

The blue ...
douchebags galore

What a crazy couple of days this has been, since our arrival to the blue trouble just keeps on following us (it’s almost as if somebody was messing with us).

We have spent a few days devising a plan on how to organize ourselves and how to execute our plan to cleanse the assembly from the dark touched. Ashford played an important role in planning and I am learning a lot from that man, he has been a good friend of mine and the only one to actually tell me he believes in me becoming a great king someday.

We finally came with the plan to seek out the speaker and make him call in a special session where he would not let anybody out till we got to examine every single one of the assembly man. Let’s just say that I don’t have a stomach for that buffoon, he is so full of himself and the only thing he worries is his wealth … it seems that the man has no consideration for human life unless it threatens or benefits him directly. I have tried asking him for help for my people and my country but his ignorant ass couldn’t care less about us or the plight of my people … such heartless people – how do they get into position of power to run the whole country … I don’t know but I promise I will never ever deny a call for help from any nation when I become a king … Human life is the most precious commodity we have … and simply ignoring the fellow human when he asks for help is not befit of the king.

I have sent a message to Armak , since blue is being very hesitant in sending us help because of the political ties to the green , and we all know that paperwork and politics take forever to actually turn into action from these pieces of paper that the blue seems to love so much … I told Armak about what is transpiring here and to speed up negotiations with green … in case those fail … evacuate the people as the finger is on the move and I would hate to see my people destroyed … We have also learned that white is not doing good either … after Morty used me as an instrument to deliver the fatal blow to the leader of the white , the white could not contain the miasma coming out from the tower … the capital has fallen and the miasma keeps on spreading … I vow that as soon as my people are mighty enough to help the white they will for I feel guilty of being too weak to oppose Morty and see through his evil plan …

We have also made contact with the Seeker , although our initial meeting went not the way I had imagined it to go there was a lesson there to learn … we are idiots … we have approached this threat of dark lord too lightly , taken no precautions to mask ourselves and stay in the shadows , unnoticed yet deadly … he was right to call us idiots and we fully deserve it … for the actions we took ( and still take sometimes ) are not well thought , we need to start thinking about bigger picture , we need to start thinking not only about the plan A, but also about plan B and a contingency in case they both fail … we need to start thinking how to fly under the radar , how not get spied on , how to have conversations without being scried upon … The Seeker is a wise man although a bit rough around the edges ( I guess his job did it to him ) but I sense much good will in him and he honestly wants to better the life of an average citizen , I also sense that to some degree he is being held on leash by the politicians and he does not really like it ( can’t blame him most of the politicians we met so far are total douchebags ) … I think him and I can become good friends .

I also started dating his assistant Bertha, she is a lovely lady, albeit simple minded and not of the noble blood like me, she is sweet and carrying person. I took her out on a date and brought her flowers (having no vase I have given her my cooking pot to keep the flowers in). I hope that one day when all of this is over I can show her my land and my people …

After our meetings with the seeker and the speaker commenced we had few leads to follow , we decided to go after the gillman threat that was reported. We got on the boat and decided to take them on … our preparation for what was to come was really poor , we had no equipment that would allow us to fight in the water , no spells to allow us to breath under water … we have rushed into the situation carried by emotions not by our brains … ( there is a lesson to be learned here … but I believe I mentioned it already above ) … Needless to say we suffered loses … I dived into the water to save a man just to see him snatched right in front of my eyes by the huge creature we saw before – the Aboleth … I couldn’t do a damn thing and the image of the man being dragged to his doom lingered on my mind when I got back on board … the captain of the ship in his panic and figuring out he just lost 3 sailors to the depths of the ocean started to blame us for their deaths ( I don’t think it was our fault to be honest … we have tried our best , we have risked our lives just as much as the sailors did … although I’ll admit our plan and execution could have been better ) … Given the situation and the turmoil going in my head I yelled at the man to “ shut up “ ( it was just too much to deal with at that moment , I snapped and my anger , anguish and despair took a hold of me ) … he proceeded to yell this time directly at me … my nerves couldn’t take it anymore I punched that man square in the jaw ( now that I think about it , he most likely felt the same way I did about losing his crew and was simply venting his anger … me punching him was not the smartest thing , as a future king I should have been more sympathetic for his loss and for the loss of life ) … That did not go well and the rest of the crew become really angry at me and my companions … heck even my own companions become angry at me and sent me below the decks … When we reached land we were told to “ get the fuck out from his boat “ which we promptly did , that’s when the futility of the situation and my thoughts finally overwhelmed me … I made a small campfire and sat to the side smoking my pipe and pondering some of my latest choices … I questioned my right to be the king of the dwarfs since I could not even save one person how could I possibly lead a nation … I guess I wasn’t too quiet about and my sobbing was heard by my comrades as one by one they came toward me and wrapped me in hugs … as much as I appreciate their concern I know I was in the wrong and should not have punched the captain … the only thing to do now is to meet the man and apologize to him for my actions ( that is what a king would do … being humble and compassionate is something I need to work on but this was a good lesson for sure and I swear to find that captain and ask him for forgiveness for my actions – this is the only honorable thing to do )

The seeker have caught one assemblyman who was a servant of the dark lord and according to our intel also in contact with the “ gambler “ , what we did not know is that there was a contingency plan in place and as soon as the politician called the real name of the “ gambler “ he exploded and melted into a pile of goo … knowing this we have to take precautions during the assembly … we would not want for that to happen there …

We are now back in the blue waiting for the speaker to call the assembly … what happens next I honestly don’t know …

Reunions and Departures

We finally have made it into the capitol city of the Blue. It is good to be back. The way in was difficult and the city borders are tighter than ever. I saw Shara again. She may not be my soul mate but she is a VERY good friend. She seemed concerned with the “Gill people”. Apparently they are raiding shipping into and out of the city.
On a more personal nature within the party Braith seems to be concerned about what that strange lady…what was her name?…Ashford said Wisp? or was it Franchesca? No matter. She told Braith that if Braith turned she would kill her. And I noticed that Braith is no longer carrying the daggers we found. Is this a coincidence?
We have much to do and it seems much less time to do it in. I pray that we will be in time. The future rushes forward and the fates are never kind.

Musings on the Past

It seems Armok has great charisma. Not even a day has passed since we took Thorek’s oaths and yet many in my party have already made decisions that break them. I, however, will remain firm. Though Thorek will now enforce them they are ones that I would have maintained nonetheless. But what of the unspoken oaths. Those to friends, family, and companions. Okenna seems distraught by the lives he has taken. How to help him? And the anger that Ashford carries is heavy and now the added burden of his son being alive and possibly out for his blood. The Fates weigh heavy on this group. I must meditate. Maybe the Divine will give me answers…or maybe new questions?

Am I lost within my journey?
3rd Entry

I have yet to make another attempt in using the elemental fist or focusing my ki. And yet still I have badly injured 1 and taken the lives of 5 others. What is becoming of me? I went from never have taken a life to claiming the lives of 6 possibly 7. While I did not look to start this fight I surely did not shy away from it. I do not regret my actions because all that are with me are alive. But will my body and soul commit civil war within me? The blood of the gods lays within me. While my of peace within thyself and love those around me are the teachings of a great sage. Remain at peace is of great importance to have peace externally. But to remain neutral in the time of slaughter and oppression chooses the side of the oppressor. And I can not do nothing when so much is at risk. Am I cursed to be given strength and not use it to help those without it? Ashford is fighting with a great loss in his soul. Conflicted with the chance that he may have to take the life of his future. And he still moves onward without hesitation. Seeing such strength within a man has shown me what real strength looks like, and causes me to question my own. Is the destiny of my blood and harmony of my soul meant to co-exist in one body? I must find tranquil resonance. All I can do is read and meditate in hopes that I can connect all that influences me. Whatever the result I can not allow for evil take hold on the innocent. Ashford is very much like my brother. Regardless of what happens I vow to help Ashford get his future back and put a stop to this until there is nothing left within me.


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